When you stand at the crossroads, look…
I had no idea where $6,000 was going to come from. I could only look to God. I could only look back at what I knew He had told me, and look forward to seeing what He would do. Prayer is one of those things that seems so simple, yet is hard to really comprehend. We pray, we hope, and all the while we are besieged with doubts about whether we are asking with the right motives, asking in God’s will, wondering if He will, in reality, answer our prayers. We remind ourselves that He always answers, but it’s not always the answer we want to hear, or it may not be as quickly as we hope. We ask, trying not to doubt, trying to rest in the knowledge that He hears us, and that He wants us to bring our requests to Him.
I have been disappointed in prayer- in God- along the way. The reason for my disappointment was discontentment. Discontentment arises when we don’t have right view of who God is, and our relationship to Him. He has been trying to teach me these things for a long time, and I had to really open myself to Him, had to really study the Scriptures to see Who this God that I claim to love and serve really is. And I had to pray, ask Him to show Himself to me. That’s a whole other story, but the point here is that when it came time to ask Him to provide the means for Kate to go to Brain Balance, He had prepared me to be able to do that in faith. I had no doubt that He would: I just didn’t have clue how. So I could only look forward, in expectation.
After a couple of weeks I began to feel a little depressed about the situation. I wondered what I could do to move this along. Lord, am I supposed to be doing something? What can I do? Nothing- I had no indication at all, no feeling, not even any ideas, of what I could do. So I waited. One day I felt that I should fast and pray. I’ve done some reading on fasting, tried it out a bit, but this time I felt like I needed to do it. Typically, I fast from after dinner until dinner the next day. Nobody really notices, and I don’t have to make explanations. Two more days I got up, and felt the need to fast. On the third day I got a message on my phone from the Brain Balance Center- an anonymous donor had given some money. She wasn’t sure how much it was, but thought it was in the thousands. I can’t begin to tell you what I felt in that moment, but I knew that God was answering my prayer, and that He had indeed prompted that prayer in the first place. I guess that’s one of the things I learned about prayer in this: we can be a conduit to answered prayer by listening and looking for God’s voice, and then asking. He could have just done it, but because He wants to enrich my relationship with Him, and strengthen my faith in Him, He took me through the process. I’m sure it won’t always work in the same way, but I do know that when thoughts cross my mind, I’m a tad more attentive. Is that from You, Lord? Is there something you want me to do, or to pray about? It’s rather like when you receive affirmation in some way- you want to go back for more. An answered prayer is an affirmation from God. We found out that the money donated was to be matched, dollar for dollar. It was exactly half the amount we needed. Within 10 days the rest of the money was in, mostly from anonymous sources. We were set to begin.